can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
