god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
