I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
