Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
