New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
