I only kidnapped one of them. chill
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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