took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
