I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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