one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
