FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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