he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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