Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
