He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
