if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
