shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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