Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
