areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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