So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you have to choose: penises or morals?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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