She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
