The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
