Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
