marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
