is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
