So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
