My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
