Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
