People in love make me want to vomit
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
