i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
