So gin and wine won't be happening again
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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