i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
