i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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