the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
