Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
