I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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