He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
