Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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