Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize