he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
