Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
