Screwed.edu
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize