If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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