It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My ATM looks so different sober.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
