I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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