Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
