i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
