Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
