she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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