Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
