I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize