Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
