Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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