I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
