Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
