I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
