If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
