Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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