I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
