Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize