We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
