quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
