I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
