Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we're making bets on your personal life
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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