Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
