get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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