i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
