We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize