Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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