Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
