Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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