me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
