my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Randomize
