What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
