Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
